Pandemic, Part 4, Grief

Dear Friends,

I haven’t written in a while so, I thought I would try today.

I have been going through a difficult time, a time of trials, grief, despair and sadness.

The Coronavirus is still raging and even spiking in some states.

The state of Massachusetts has been careful in managing this Pandemic, slower than most states to reopen.

Being a person with severe, life threatening medical problems, I am grateful to the governor and to all of the other people who have made decisions carefully, driven by the data.

I live in an assisted senior living residence and there have been times when I have been fearful and frightened.

These past few weeks have not been easy.

Last Monday, a close friend passed. Last Tuesday, another friend of mine had passed. Last Wednesday a dear friend of mine had passed.

These deaths are the latest of the people in my life who have died this year, people that I’ve known and I’ve loved

I realize that death is a part of Life but, it minimizes the pain of losing people that I used to see, every day, talk with and love.

Where my heart used to be, lay aching, painful voids.

Yes, this Pandemic goes on.

These drastic times and dire days have caused me to be more grateful for the people around me.

I love my family, especially my mother, whom I haven’t seen in months.

I’m grateful for the people surrounding me, the people who help me, and I’m especially appreciative to my family and my friends!

My family and my friends have been a loving and totally significant part of my life.

My family and friends are people with whom I’ve shared my struggles, my accomplishments, my love and my Life!

This Pandemic has taken its’ toll, on me, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I realize that Life, as I knew it, will never go back to that normal I knew before this Pandemic’s rage.

I wonder as I fixate on how this new normal, or as I say “new abnormal” will affect me and those I love.

Being sleep deprived, exhausted and sad, I realize I cannot handle my complicated life and my rapidly range of moods on my own.

It’s now, I realize the need to surrender my day, my emotions and myself to the One whom I can always rely on.

I fixate my eyes to the Heavens, bow my head and I pray!

I pray with intent and passion, carrying my aching, broken heart to God.

As I pray, this peace comforts me.

With thanksgiving, love and with gratitude, I approach the Throne of God and I continue to pray.

Today, with love in my heart and with a simple gratitude for Life, I go on!

Evelyn Pinto

June 23, 2020